Talking about Sex with your Children in a highly sexualized age, what you should know!

By Dana Malcolm

Staff Writer

#TurksandCaicos, November 2, 2022 – The Birds and the Bees: the potentially awkward but necessary conversation between parents and children that introduces them to sexual education and sexual safety.  It is a must for all parents and children but many adults may not know how to go about it.  Raising Children, a childcare website funded by the Government of Australia, says young children are naturally curious and may want to know about their bodies and where babies come from.

The advice?

• Explain things at a level children understand and make sure they have the facts.
• Early conversations about sex can send the message that sex and sexuality are healthy parts of life.

In addition parents should teach young children about their personal space and how to protect it.  Explain to young children that no one should touch them without their permission, this includes hugs, unwanted kisses on the cheeks, tickles etc.

Allowing your toddlers and young children to set boundaries regarding simple touches like these and supporting them in their decisions will make them more likely to understand the difference between good touches and bad ones.

It will also make them more likely to be vocal if they experience something that makes them uncomfortable.

For teens and preteens on the other hand, interest in sex is normal according to the US Centres for Disease Control. The number one rule is not to hide the reality of sex or associate it with shame.

The CDC says in surveys carried out with teens, the youngsters reported that their parents are the ones who have the greatest influence over their decisions about sex “more than friends, siblings, or the media.”

In addition, most of the young respondents said, “they share their parents’ values about sex, and making decisions about delaying sex would be easier if they could talk openly and honestly with their parents.”

The agency encourages parents to:

• identify unique opportunities to have what may be awkward conversations with your teen in places like the car where they can hear what you have to say without making eye contact.
• Have frequent conversation and avoid overreacting when your children confide in you.
• Importantly, parents should set ground rules, speak to your teens about your own expectations for them when it comes to sex.

In addition, parents should see their children as complete and whole individuals who can be hurt or put off by their attitude and communication skills.

Try not to punish your child for confiding in you as this may be a deterrent in the future, reiterate that they are loved, cared for and trusted.

Do not ever brush off reports of assault from your child.

Finally there are several signs to look out for in teens and children if you suspect they may have experienced or are experiencing sexual, harassment assault or rape.

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) says It’s not always easy to spot signs of sexual assault in children that, parents caregivers, doctors, teachers, pastors, sisters, brothers and friends are advised to look out for,

• Sexually transmitted infections
• Signs of trauma on or around the genitalia
• Keeping secrets are not talking as much as usual
• Suddenly being afraid to be separated from parents or primary caregivers
• Reappearance of behaviors like bed wetting or thumb sucking
• Sexual behavior inappropriate for the child’s age
• Trying to avoid removing clothing
• Increased aggression
• Self-harm
• Excessive worry or fearfulness

In addition to those signs, the organization says there are indicators of who can are those potential perpetrators or threats to your children.  Keep a keen eye on adults who, try to be a child’s friend rather than playing an adult role in their life or grown-ups who spend time alone with children outside of their role in the child’s life or makes up excuses to be alone with the child.

Also a red flag, adults who express unusual interest in child’s sexual development, such as commenting on sexual characteristics or sexualizing normal behaviors:

A warning sign too is adults who give a child gifts without occasion or reason; spend a lot of time with your child or another child you know and restricts a child’s access to other adults.

Advice from professionals for individuals who may suspect children are being abused is to trust your gut and get professionals involved.